January 28, 2003

Dear_________,

I have dropped you a quick line to inform you that I believe you are the vilest of creatures, the kind I thought not to exist. You are a vampire in your villainy. Only your breadth of girth and the volume of your face convinces me you are not a crab from the Devil’s nether crevice. You are sick and corrupt and your deeds are shameful, not shameful like those perpetrated by Nero but much, much worse. You would steal the dying Jesus’ loincloth in spite, envious of his view from the cross, if only you could. It wouldn’t surprise me if you occasionally poisoned kittens. You are a black hole, an abyss that devours sunshine. Perhaps your kind have always existed and history was afraid to mention them for fear of eliminating all hope in the hearts of humanity. Please die. And I want my CD’s back, they’re the ones with a “C” on them.

Yours truly,

And I hate you,

C