Eff U and Your Precious Glass Bong

To the Most Horrible Person I have ever met.

you know what? i regret my decision to be roommates with you. i’m tired of your shit, and i’m tired of you.

you’re a horrible person who seems to think everything is about or for you. your attitude of complete self-entitlement is at an intolerable level. you’re such a horrible person that your parents can’t even stand to be around you, that they show you “love” by sending you money. just because you’re a jewish-american prince who hails from the upper-east side does not mean that you are better than anyone. you’re not. i have honestly never met someone with such little consideration for other people. seriously, you never think about how your words or actions affect other people, nor do you seem to care.

take, for instance, our group of friends. when we first met, you seemed like a decent enough person, i actually enjoyed being friends with you. but as soon as the 4 of us agreed to room together, your true, ugly colors came out. we all agreed, since you were the only male, we all would get along so much better if you didn’t get involved with any of us. and what happened? that’s right, you two started fooling around behind our backs. but you know what? because we’re such nice friends, we let the two of you continue your relationship, under the condition which YOU set stating you two would break up before we moved in together. but did you? no. you two told us to “go fuck yourselves.” thank you for ruining the dynamic of our household and the friendship the three of us girls had. all because you two wanted to play house.

you’ve ruined my best friend. you’ve changed her from being the nice, funny, innocently naive girl we all loved so much to a drug-addicted, inconsiderate female version of yourself. congratulations, you’ve ruined her life. her parents were right about you. and as if that wasn’t enough, you constantly put her down, telling her she “doesn’t deserve” you, “would be nothing” without you, and wouldn’t have friends without you. when, in fact, you don’t deserve her, you are nothing, and she had friends before you. and now, no one wants anything to do with either of you. you treat her like she’s your own personal drug mule, once again proving that you really don’t care about anyone but yourself. you constantly flirt with other girls, and everyone can tell that you and your “best girl friend” are more than friends.

you’ve turned on my other best friend. and this, honestly, astounds me. you two were best friends. since day one. what happened? oh, i know, you became the most insufferable asshole for her to be around. not to mention you lied straight to her face when she asked if you and our other friend were hooking up and getting together. you treated her like shit, yelled at her until she cried multiple times, and all because you didn’t get your way. you didn’t deserve her as a friend and you don’t deserve her as a roommate.

how dare you go around and tell everyone we know that my boyfriend and i “aren’t serious” and “won’t last.” how is it your place to say anything of the sort? it’s not your business, whatsoever. we’ve been together for over a year and are happily in love and committed to each other. and then you try and be best friends with him? how dare you!

you also have the biggest drug habit of anyone i’ve ever seen. and apparently, doing the drugs isn’t enough for you, you have to sell them too. it’s one thing for you to indulge in your habits, but selling them puts all of us at risk, but of course you don’t care. i wonder if you know that your former roommates reported you several times for dealing from you room? of course, by some devilish luck, someone warned you and was nice enough to hide your shit in their room. but did you thank them? of course not. you berated them and yelled at them until your face turned blue for “taking your stash.” you should have been arrested, but you weren’t because they put themselves on the line for you, and of course you act like an ungrateful fucking child. and now you’re considering making acid in our house? i want to know how many times you were dropped on your head for you to think that that is an acceptable hobby for you to take on. of course, you being the most inconsiderate person on the planet, you don’t realize that puts our entire house at risk. or if you do, that makes you an even bigger douche.

i haven’t even addressed how you’ve treated me. at first, i kept my distance from you, not quite sure what kind of a person you were. and of course, as soon as i let you into my life, and decided to be your roommate, your true persona reared its ugly fucking head. you talked shit about me and my boyfriend. you caused unrelenting, annoying, ugly drama. you threw a childish temper tantrum in the middle of a grocery store because i didn’t pay as much for food for the house as you did; the difference being a measly 2 fucking dollars. you stole my ipod speakers, which i was kind enough to lend to you so you could use it while camping. i know for a fact that it’s in your car, yet every time i ask for it back you deny ever having it. i won’t even address the fact that you were away for the month and the house was spotless, and you came home and in not even 24 hours the house was overrun with all of your shit. i can’t even believe how you made such a mess in such a short time. but, being the nice person i am, i tried to clean up your mess. in doing so, i slipped on your car keys (which were on the floor for god knows why), and fell onto my twice operated on elbow, breaking your bong in the process. did you care that i once again injured my elbow, resulting in further nerve damage, loss of feeling in my fingers, a round of steroids, and possible surgery? OF FUCKING COURSE NOT. all you cared about was your precious fucking glass bong. how the fuck dare you tell everyone that i owe you $310 for a glass bong that got broken due to an accident was essentially YOUR fault. you want me to pay for your broken bong? how about you pay for my hospital bill, doctors appointment, prescribed medications, and surgery that came from my fall? i apologized to you profusely, but yet you still treat me as if i had done this worst thing imaginable. it’s a fucking bong, the fact that you spent $310 on it just makes you seem like a pathetic person. there is no way i will ever pay you back for that. that is the last straw. i am officially done with you.

i regret ever becoming friends with you. you are no longer my friend. now, you’re the guy i have to put up with because he’s my best friend’s boyfriend. when you guys break up, i will have absolutely nothing to say to or do with you. worst of all, you’ve made me feel a fool. i should have trusted my instincts to not become friends with you, and ever since i have you’ve been the worst friend i’ve ever know.

you know what is the worst part about all of this, though? no matter how much i hate you, how little i want to do with you, and how much i want to scream and yell and physically hurt you, i won’t. because no matter how badly you treat me, i could never stoop so low as a human being to do any of the things you’ve done to me. i’m a much better person than you, and i know that.

i just hope, for your sake, you realize how horrible you truly are and one day change your ways. i don’t care if that happens while you are still around me, because i’m beyond done with dealing with you.

and i hope you remember that karma is a much bigger bitch than you.

by  at Letters I’ll Never Send • August 30, 2011

Cookin’ Up an Eff and a U

When a freelance journalist Twitter-contacted Chef and Restauranteur Angela Dimayuga of Mission Chinese Food in New York City to ask for an interview on behalf of IvankaTrump.com (who knew that was a thing?), she plated a spicy response.

Although it was nice enough, in its obliviousness, it is also true that Nazi soldiers were also just doing their jobs. In spite of this huuuge opportunity for a little press, Angela Dimayuga declined.

Hi Adi,

Thank you for thinking of me. I’m glad you are a fan of my work so much that you want to provide more visibility for my career to inspire “other working women.” However, I’m for women who actually empower other women.

I don’t believe that IvankaTrump.com is truly “a non-political platform of empowerment for [women]”. So long as the name Trump is involved, it is political and frankly, an option for the IvankaTrump.com business to make a profit.

I don’t see anything empowering about defunding Planned Parenthood, barring asylum from women refugees, rolling back safeguards for equal pay, and treating POC/LGBT and the communities that support these groups like second-class citizens.

As a queer person of color and daughter of immigrant parents I am not interested in being profiled as an aspirational figure for those that support a brand and a President that slyly disparages female empowerment. Sharing my story with a brand and family that silences our same voices is futile.

Thank you for the consideration.

 

Moby: “America, What the Fuck is Wrong With You?”

america, why are you so afraid of evidence?

you smoke cigarettes, naively believing they won’t kill you. you eat garbage, believing it won’t make you sick and obese. and now you’ve elected donald trump.

‘christians’ and family-values voters have en masse helped elect a twice divorced man who openly brags about infidelity and committing sexual assault. 30% of latinos have helped elect a man who has routinely maligned latinos and called mexicans ‘rapists’. 45% of women have helped elect a man who brags about ‘grabbing women by the pussy’ and has called women ‘pigs’ & ‘slobs’. business-minded middle america has en masse helped elect a man who has led roughly half of his businesses to bankruptcy and lost close to a billion dollars in 1995 alone. and blue collar middle america has en masse helped elect a trust-fund baby who has, over-time, inherited over $600,000,000.00 from his father.

and in the process you’ve denied the presidency to an experienced and erudite woman whose only shortcoming is being on the receiving end of a 30 year right-wing smear campaign. as a life long progressive i’m supposed to be diplomatic and understanding, but america, what the fuck is wrong with you? but then i ask myself, very sadly, why am i surprised? this is the same america that eats at burger king and is baffled as to why it ends up obese and cancerous and dying. this is the same america who thinks that granting health care to 20,000,000 people is somehow treasonous.

and this is the america who has now elected a dim-witted, racist, misogynist. a dim-witted, racist, misogynist who has ruined businesses and has no policy proposals other than ‘build a wall’. i guess there will be some cold, bitter schadenfreude in spending the next 4 years watching middle america wake up to the fact that donald trump is an incompetent con-man.

the rust belt jobs won’t come back. the wall won’t get built. and hillary won’t get locked up.

donald trump will be impeached, or end his presidency with single digit approval ratings. and hopefully, somehow, america will finally wake up the fact that republicans are, simply, terrible. reagan and bush sr. and the republicans ruined the economy, bill clinton and the democrats fixed it. george w. bush and the republicans ruined the economy all over again, obama and the democrats fixed it. in some baffling, habitual masochism americans keep going back to what’s bad for them, whether it’s food or political parties.

and the climate will suffer. the inner cities will suffer. children will suffer. animals will suffer. gun deaths will continue to skyrocket. we will suffer. all because americans live in this delusional, upside down world wherein they’re unwilling to look at evidence.

but here are the facts: junk food makes you fat and kills you. cigarettes give you cancer. and donald trump is a racist and a misogynist who has ruined countless businesses and will be the worst president our country has ever, ever seen.

-moby

Go L%#@ Yourself, MotherLover

Justin-Bieber-Selena-Gomez-Eff U
It wasn’t lost on anybody that Justin Bieber’s Love Yourself was truly an Eff U Letter. Justin admitted that the song was definitely about someone in Bieber’s past but wouldn’t say just who.

Love Yourself

For all the times that you rain on my parade
And all the clubs you get in using my name
You think you broke my heart, oh, girl for goodness’ sake
You think I’m crying on my own. Well, I ain’t

And I didn’t wanna write a song
‘Cause I didn’t want anyone thinking I still care. I don’t,
But you still hit my phone up
And, baby, I be movin’ on
And I think you should be somethin’ I don’t wanna hold back,
Maybe you should know that

My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone
And I never like to admit that I was wrong
And I’ve been so caught up in my job,
Didn’t see what’s going on
But now I know,
I’m better sleeping on my own

‘Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I’m still holdin’ on to somethin’
You should go and love yourself

And when you told me that you hated my friends
The only problem was with you and not them
And every time you told me my opinion was wrong
And tried to make me forget where I came from

And I didn’t wanna write a song
‘Cause I didn’t want anyone thinking I still care. I don’t,
But you still hit my phone up
And, baby, I be movin’ on
And I think you should be somethin’ I don’t wanna hold back,
Maybe you should know that

My mama don’t like you and she likes everyone
And I never like to admit that I was wrong
And I’ve been so caught up in my job,
Didn’t see what’s going on
But now I know,
I’m better sleeping on my own

‘Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I’m still holdin’ on to somethin’
You should go and love yourself

For all the times that you made me feel small
I fell in love. Now I feel nothin’ at all
And never felt so low when I was vulnerable
Was I a fool to let you break down my walls?

‘Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I’m still holdin’ on to somethin’
You should go and love yourself

‘Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself
And if you think (you think) that I’m (that I’m) still holdin’ on (holdin’ on) to somethin’
You should go and love yourself

Written by Justin Bieber, Ed Sheeran and Benny Blanco 2015

Some artists just went for it. Eff U radio airplay!

An Open Letter to Employers with Ridiculous Requirements

April 11, 2013 by  

Dear Wayward Employer,

I’m writing you this letter because I was perusing your website and saw a job that looked awesome. I read through the description and everything about the job was me. Then I read the “requirements and qualifications” and found myself flabbergasted and appalled. I’ve done everything you describe in the responsibilities, but some of your requirements are…umm, how can I say this? Ridiculous? Kobe bullshit? And this is why you’re single.

I have five years of experience in this stuff, so I can talk ish and back it up. My problem? You’re asking candidates to have a Master’s and industry certifications, but you’re paying 35k. In the words of the graceful Sweet Brown…

degree inflation

I love — well, loved — your company and all, but this ain’t what my student loans are here for. This ain’t what my job search is here for. I’m supposed to be progressing professionally and financially. I don’t send money to my Capital One 360 (RIP ING) account so that I can take a job doing what I do well for less than I’ve ever done it. And I damn sure ain’t going back to school to get an extra degree just so you can pay me in monopoly money. F*ck. That.

Aight, so I just clicked another job on your site for giggles. An entry level customer service job to be specific. This sh*t is pitiful.

You’re requiring a Bachelor’s, experience with six technologies and a past life as a dragon. THIS IS AN ENTRY LEVEL CUSTOMER SERVICE JOB! If I was a college senior, I’d be tight right now. Tuition for telephones? Terrible. Just five years ago, this same job only required a high school diploma, a positive outlook, and a nice personality. But this mess you’re talking…

You’re lucky I’m at my computer.

You should read up on degree inflation and understand how much a part of the problem you are. Then again, you probably know this already and are ready to say “It’s a buyer’s market for employers thanks to the recession.”

Yes, we’re still coming out of a recession, but this foolishness you’re on will come back to bite you in the ass when things pick up. The person you get to take that 35k job will be gone with the wind as soon as the job market rebounds. Then you’ll spend the money you thought you saved trying to recruit and train his or her replacement. You’ll take a bigger loss than Ross… and I clearly don’t mean weight.

If and when I come back to your site, I’m sure I’ll see another ridiculous job posting. Maybe you’ll only be hiring janitors from ivy league schools, or secretaries with MBAs and five years of experience…for 30K. Eat 30K rocks.

Wayward employer, may you get stuck in a cabin in the woods with the ghost of recessions past. May you be slapped repeatedly by Dikembe Mutumbo, or covered in a thousand dirty diapers. I rebuke you, your insulting salary, and your ridiculous “requirements.”

Without Regards,

slim jackson

 

SingleBlackMale.org

Eff U Nose-Arounders!

Let me put this as gently as possible… If you are not my Facebook friend to actually be my friend than you can kindly click “unfriend” beside my name… Others who are here to nose around or get the scoop here is a scoop for you kindly EFF OFF… The rest of you thanks for truly being my friend ♥

Tammy G.

Fuck You, Fuck You Very Much…

Lily Allen “Fuck You”

Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we’re so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harborSo you say
It’s not okay to be gay
Well I think you’re just evil
You’re just some racist who can’t tie my laces
Your point of view is medievalFuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touchFuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don’t translate
And it’s getting quite late
So please don’t stay in touch

Do you get
Do you get a little kick out of being slow minded?
You want to be like your father
It’s approval you’re after
Well that’s not how you find it

Do you
Do you really enjoy living a life that’s so hateful?
Cause there’s a hole where your soul should be
Your losing control of it and it’s really distasteful

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don’t translate and it’s getting quite late
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,
Fuck you

You say, you think we need to go to war
Well you’re already in one,
Cause its people like you
That need to get slew
No one wants your opinion

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don’t translate and it’s getting quite late
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you

Written by Lilly Allen and Greg Kurstin
2009